Mindless Juices

So, we're almost home after a rousing trip to Jersey. All in all, it was a very good trip. Thanks to a laptop, a GPS sensor, MS Street & Trips, an iPod, and a power inverter... We were totally prepared for a road trip. Some highlights of the relatively new tech, the GPS, were: On the way up, we found the next closest McDonald's because that's what we wanted. So, we passed a few exits knowing there was one only 20 minutes further along. We beat my aunt and uncle who were leading us from their house to the wedding, but we got separated. Apparently, my laptop and some satellites know their town better than they do. On the way back, we saw signs saying their was a wreck at exit 58 on I-95. The signs suggested exiting on I-295 about 15 miles before that exit. So, with that sufficient notice, we were able to come up with an alternate route that just bypassed THAT exit. It was only three miles out of our way and the 3 miles back in was a nice diagonal that dumped us off right on to the exit for I-85. On the way back, we found the Goodberry's in North Durham and stopped off for some concretes. It was absolutely great to see my family. So many of my cousins are finally getting their lives together. Of course, many of them had parents and friends who had parents that had very nice homes and lived just a few minutes from NYC. Why would you bother getting your life together enough to move out? Still, it was good to see that many of them are finding happiness. Apparently, I've been considered MIA by most of the family since 1997. All throughout college, I was trying to figure out myself and then, after we got married, we were trying to make sure we focused on being married. So, now that a lot of that is behind us, I think we're ready to re-join the ranks of the family... To a point. I mean, while my cousins may be stepping into adulthood, they still drink a lot, smoke a lot and occasionally indulge in some other smoking. Soon, we'll have our own little one. I want my family to open their minds and hearts and accept our child who doesn't look like us and has a history unlike anyone else in the family. However, I also don't want them to "corrupt" him/her as they have a tendency to do with each other. I suppose living in NC will help. I'd like to think that we'll do a good enough job of parenting that it wouldn't matter, but there's something weird about the "peer" pressure that family brings to the table. I don't know what it is, but it's only good when they're looking out for your best interest. And, most of the time, we're so caught up in our own self-love-affair, we too blind, deaf and dumb to pay any attention to our mother, aunts, sisters, & cousins screaming, "She's not good enough for you!" or our father, uncles, brothers & cousins shouting, "Your business partner is stealing from you!" Sometimes, they start pressuring you into their lives or out of their lives for fear of you repeating their mistakes. That's when things get crazy: Sure, some uncles know how to impart wisdom and tell you how they became workaholics and almost lost a marriage over it, but others will tell you to focus on the career because your wife will leave you anyway, so you'd better have enough money to pay the alimony. A college kid might not be ready to hear either of those... My advice would be, "YOU need to find the balance, and if family or career doesn't allow you to find a balance, then you need to decide which one will have to change, otherwise, you certainly lose one and may even lose both. And, you always have to re-evaluate the balance and make sure you really are balancing and you just don't think you are while things are falling apart around you. I'm still doing it and I will always be doing it. And you may not always be perfect at it, but you don't have to be. You just have to try and you just have to be either good enough to do it or smart enough to realize you can't and figure out how you can." But, it's weird going back to the folds of the family and looking at them with a different pair of glasses on. Sure, everyone's changed and grown, but I've realized how worthwhile being on my own, making my own mistakes and seeking my own assistance really helps you figure out who you are and what you're made of. Moreover, I've really come to appreciate the amazing woman who was crazy enough to marry me. We've worked hard to get as far as we have with our relationship. Yes, there's lots more, but I know we can work through the "more," too. That security, that foundation, that knowledge of what we've been through... That all translates into a real happiness that I see others in my family starting to find, even some of the older members who have been married for years or are recently retired. They're learning things that I learned along the way as wise men and women passed along knowledge and wisdom, and as I saw others stumble, struggle and overcome and learned to do the same. I'm not claiming to be wise beyond my years or any better than anyone else I know... But, I'm finally seeing the desire to be happy in my relatives and understanding why they do what they do to try and be happy. Now, I know I'm happy and I'll continue to work and do what I need to do to continue to be happy... But now, I want to help some of my relatives be happy, too, or happier. i.e. - My cousin wants to be in the music business. I want to help him break into the business. My uncle has a passion for his cooking and an entrepreneurial venture he is taking with bottling the family's curry sauce. I want to help him make that as successful as it can be. My other cousin has had seizures recently. I want to help her cope with those and let her know, at least, one of us has an idea of what she's going through. Another uncle is building a winter home in Barbados. I want to visit it in the summer. :) I have three cousins heading to college next year and will be taking the first step towards figuring "it" out on their own. I want to encourage them and let them know they can always call if they need something. And, another cousin has a fairly new relationship with someone who seems like a good fit and other people in the family who have known her longer think so, too. I want to encourage him to not give up when the going gets hard, but be sure she's worth it, too. But, the high point of my weekend may have been: My uncle, who put himself through medical school right after my grandparents moved to this country with basically nothing, had success with his work and eventually saved and opened his own practice which has been very successful, had two children who are successful in their own right... My uncle, a man I respect, and he is someone of whom the whole family is proud and admires... My uncle complimented me a few times this weekend about how I'd grown up and become the man I'd become. Maybe I am getting some of this right! Maybe I'm not as far behind the curve as I thought. I have a great wife, a great house, great friends and a great family. Life IS good... Sometimes you just need a change of scenery to realize it.

So, we're heading to Jersey for my uncle's wedding. THe last time we saw my extended family, it was for my cousin's wedding. Unfortunately, we weren't able to stay for a mini-family reunion at my other uncle's house. This time though, it looks like we're going to be able to do it. So, after a little stop in DC, we'll head up to Jersey and see the family. Many of them are aware of our plans to adopt, so I'm sure that will be a major point of conversation. I'm sure we'll have lots of "stupid" questions. These are the questions that people want to ask, but they don't know how to ask them. Like, "How much will your baby cost?" Well, the baby doesn't cost anything (okay, diapers, formula, clothes, etc... they cost a lot), but the lawyers, paperwork, and governments require much money to help you legally adopt a child from a foreign country. Meanwhile, I've been playing Pokémon XD for the GameCube. I know, I know... but it's actually fun on a TV with an ATI graphics card and surround sound. Unfortunately, the game is kind of hard if you start from scratch. So, I may purchase a Pokémon game for the SP. My friend Mike is the one to whom I owe this detrimental curse. However, he is in it with me, so until we "catch 'em all" I probably not be playing very many other video games. One exception might be TOCA Racing. This incredibly realistic racer is probably as close as I'll ever get to getting on a race track.

These are my "office-mates," Sam & Chris. Do you want to take any guesses as to which one is which? I'll give you a hint, Chris is short for Christie... and Sam is sitting in the yellow shirt... and Christie is standing. They don't know I'm posting this picture on the internet, so if they ever find out, I may not be coming home. So, just in case: Dear, just remember, I love you, always. Anyway, these two make the office a home away from home. We watch each others' backs when it comes to covering for vacations or personal emergencies. But, more importantly, we're a team politically. For those of you who haven't worked in management for "big business," it can be political. It's nice to know that there are, at least, two other people whose best interest is the same as my best interest. So, when they go to meetings that I don't go to and I go to ones they don't go to, we're also saying the same thing, trying to acheive the same goals and able to alert each other to changes coming down the pipe. More importantly, I'm confident that these two will fight the good fight. And, for the first, time, I think that means that there may be some changes for the better. Hopefully, the timing will work out nicely for the arrival of our baby. Speaking of, we had to figure out how much time we'll be taking off for that time. I have a decent amount of time accrued that I can use. But, more importantly than that, I'm hoping I can actually go "back to work" without using up my leave time with a little combination of work-from-home and actually going into the office. I plan on staying home for as long as it takes to bond properly with my child. I'm reading a book that's basically all about that. I'm really looking forward to it. So, I'm writing this on my battery on my laptop which is going to die very soon. So, I'm going to wrap this up despite the fact that I wanted to write some more, hopefully more interesting stuff.