Friday, October 14, 2005

Wow

I can't believe it's been 4 days since I posted! My apologies to my fans. Josh & Nick, I'm sorry. Meanwhile, I've gone back to my old job, but I'm running a new area. It's only been two days, but I can tell you, I think I've inherited a really great crew. I haven't met everyone, but so far, everything is going quite swimmingly and I haven't felt stressed about techs calling me at all. Of course, I like to think that some of this can be attributed to the management/leadership class that TWC is sending me to once a month. I like to think I'm taking things away from that class and applying them and that has something to do with how well things are going, albeit early on. Also, I like to think newhope plays a part in this, too. (To learn more about newhope, visit Sabrina's blog) Benji's latest series has been on Balance. While I don't feel like I struggle with this, per say, I believe everyone can use some more balance in their lives. I don't think you can have it all together... the universe doesn't really work that way. Conflict & stress lead to better things like resolution and relief. In philosophy, we called these "secondary goods." So, I think I've managed to keep things from getting too far out of balance. Now, I'm trying to focus more on God and let Him help me find the pivot point ("piVOT! piVOT!"). And lastly, and probably most influential, is my small group. As mentioned by my wife, we're studying Ephesians. This book is particularly interesting and the study guide we're using really pushes you to dig deep. Additionally, we have been blessed with a few scholars and educated types who are able to give us background and perspective. There is one theme (among many) that has been working on me as we study. It is one of peace... the Gentiles were granted the same path to Heaven as the Jews and there was obviously some conflict about this. Paul reminded the Ephesians that when they choose the path, they choose one of love and tried to help them understand what that looks like. As I look into my life, I wonder, "Do I live love? And even if I do, do I live it loudly?" Well, I'll start with trying to make sure I live it. So, I've tried to catch myself when I'm tempted to be unnecessarily negative or engage in idle chatter, especially with negative tones. It's not about avoiding negativity, but avoiding allowing myself to become negative and join in the gossip or the backstabbing or anything else of the like that just seems to be a part of this world. For me, it seems to all comes down to being judged. You see, for the past 9 years, I've been pretty content on my salvation. It was all I really needed to think about. Sure, I'd consider other philosophical and/or theological pursuits, but with regards to spiritual matters, all I really needed was to know that I was loved, forgiven and cleansed. But, I've recently been struck with the idea of arriving to heaven and being judged. I'm sure I've heard about it numerous times over the 9 years, but I guess I chose to ignore it or, at least, not dwell on it. So, while my ticket is reserved, will my attire be appropriate? And even though there is no dress code (so one could argue that it doesn't even matter), will I find myself in the rags I deserve or the suit given to me for a job well done? I don't know... I know that before I arrive, I'd like to try to be better than I am right now. I'd like to be the man God made me to be and quit slumming around in my own life. Don't get me wrong, it's a good life and God knows I needed it to get me to this time. I just hope I can walk the path I've chosen or if I can't then, at least, stand true. Hmm... got a little deep there. Guess I needed to flesh those thoughts out some.
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